Three Princes and a Princess

Our Journey to Gabriella step at a time.....

Friday, January 6, 2012

Some days are harder than others..............

When we began this journey 19 months ago, I was sure things would go smoothly for me.  I know, very crazy and conceited of me and laughable at this point.  I thought because I wanted it so badly and prayed very hard, that I was organized and driven that things would just fall into place for my family.  We first chose Ethiopia to find our daughter because at the time that program looked promising, only to do all the work and find out almost a year later that it wouldn't happen if we stayed with that program. 

In April 2011 we switched to China Special Needs and re-did all our paperwork, our entire dossier filled with important paperwork and notaries and seals.  Then finally in July, 2011 we first saw our daughter and switched to another agency to bring her home.  I know for sure that Ellie was meant to be our daughter and we happily went through each step and waited and did more paperwork and waited.  Throughout this process I have certainly had good days and bad days and some very bad days.  My agency couldn't be any supportive and are so wonderful to try to keep us informed and encouraged.

As I am now waiting for Travel Approval time seems to be taking on a new meaning.  I go through each day with a gnawing feeling in my stomach that never quite goes away and my arms positively ache to hold my daughter.  My mind is completely preoccupied and I don't seem to be doing anything very well these days.  There are many things I COULD be doing, packing or preparing in some way but I feel immobilized not knowing when we will travel.  To make  matters worse, things in China will be shut down for a week for Chinese New Year in a couple of weeks which will throw us yet another delay.  

I have many adoptive mama friends who have had much harder roads then me, they have gone through program shutdowns, disrupted adoptions, lost cases.  I also have many waiting friends who continue to wait for their child despite years of waiting and wanting.  Knowing all that usually helps me get out of my funk and soldier on, but not today.  Today is Friday so that means the weekend is here and with it brings the impossibility of hearing any news for two whole days.  I spend my days waiting for the phone to ring with news about our daughter, so these two days seem to take forever. 

Of course we are busy, of course our lives are happy and full.  And I know the wait for my daughter is undoubtedly worth it, I know the wait will seem insignificant once she is in my arms. I now also know that wanting something more than you can possibly bear does not make it so.  The only thing to do is continue to wait and today I am just not doing it well. 


  1. Hang in there. Sending virtual hugs down route 13 and over 87 to you <3

  2. I'm so sorry that you are feeling so down, Carrie. Adoption is such a stressful and difficult process! Just think though, next month you will have Ellie in your arms FOR REAL! {{hugs}}

  3. I can so relate to everything about your post! Right down to the three princes. And all that is true, once she's home you won't care about the wait, blah, blah blah. I know none of that really helps right now. You're in the final stretch, just keep moving forward. Can't wait for her to be home!

  4. "but I feel immobilized not knowing when we will travel." -- Your whole post hit home, but those words perfectly describe exactly how I feel! Hang in there, Carrie, next week will be our week! Before we know it, we'll be in Jiangxi. Hope you can find some diversion to get you through the weekend. :)

  5. Ahhh! I totally understand! I want my LOA so I can at least estimate when we will travel but I have heard that last wait for TA is a killer! Praying you get a call on Monday!! (Ok- praying we BOTH get a call from N on Monday!!)

  6. Hi from a Mom with three princes, and one princess(finally home)! I remember feeling what you are feeling. Blessings to you :)

  7. Just found your blog! We have a very similar story and timetable, having switched from Ethiopia to China Special Needs this May. We're headed to China on 1/31 and have a Consulate Appointment on 2/14. We'll be watching your progress.

    Alan and Lindy